In Ephesians chapter 5, both the husband and the wife are called to submit to one another because they respect the Lord. What does that mean? Well, God instituted marriage in order to help us live healthy and happy lives together even though, of course, there are time when the people in those marriages don’t do a very good job of fulfilling God’s call. Most of the time in the Bible, the word submit refers to our relationship to God, we are to submit ourselves to God commands for instance; however, just because it’s the same word doesn’t mean that we are to submit to one another AS IF they were God (nobody could live up to that!), but because God instituted us to be in relationship with one another, we are called to submit to one another out of respect for how God ordered the world, including our marriages.
How does a husband submit to his wife? By loving her. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” I know that some of you have heard me say how I think that this whole Father’s Day and Mother’s Day thing is really unfair. I mean, men and women have different gifts and, let’s face it guys, we have the gift of selfishness. We can come up with all kinds of great ways to have a good time and help others show us some love. But when I ask my wife what she wants for her birthday or mother’s day or whatever she sometimes has a hard time figuring it out and (this is the really mind-boggling part) even if she CAN think of something she’ll feel bad for wanting it let alone if she actually would get it for a gift. Me, on the other hand, just ask me and I’ll tell you some things I want and if I get them—no guilt. I LIKE to make myself happy. I enjoy feeling loved. What can I say . . .it’s a gift!
How does a husband submit to his wife? By using those God given talents for love and using them to love his wife. God made men with the need to love someone. And for those of you who are married men, God blessed you with your wives.
Now guys, I don’t mean loving them the way YOU want to be loved. “Hey honey! I bought you a new grill so that you can have more hot dogs and hamburgers to go with your beer!” Uh-uh. That’s showing love, but, like I said, we men have an amazing gift to love ourselves. Guys, now be honest, if you want something, it doesn’t matter if it always makes sense. It might cost too much or take too much time, but if you got it you’d be happy. Imagine if your wife really wanted something . . . would you ask first whether it would make her happy or whether it made sense to you? Love doesn’t always make sense. We are called to love ours wives just as Jesus Christ loved the church. What does that mean?
To begin, I have to cover my rear-end with you men that are here and explain how I can have the audacity to talk about how to better love your wives on Father’s Day of all days. Today is supposed to be the one day out of the year when we men can shower the love on ourselves—no holds barred.
Today is Father’s Day and, so, it is a day to celebrate Fathers. I WANT you to be celebrated. I WANT you to be considered a good Father. And the fact is that everybody knows a good father by how he treats his wife. It’s a fact and children notice it. It’s not just how you treat your children that makes you a good father—it’s how you love your wife. If you talk about your wife in a negative manner, especially in front of other people, your children will talk to their mom that way too . . . and it will reflect on you. Men who beat their wives, either physically or verbally, raise children who do the same thing to the women in their lives. But if you treat your wife like the jewel she is, you will raise children who love their mother as much as you do. If you love your wife just as Jesus Christ loves the church, your Father’s Day celebration will become a day when people honor you with their hearts and not just their lips. I want husbands and fathers to be celebrated every day of the year (not just one) so let’s find ways of loving our wives just as Christ loves the church.
How does Christ love the church? By giving himself up for her. “Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death—even death on a cross.” But you might say! That’s going a little over board pastor, but I’m not asking you to jump in front of a truck and get run over . . . that might actually be an easier way out that what I am encouraging you to do. Jesus had everything he could ever want (he was God after all), but he gave that all up to become human, to be vulnerable to hunger, pain, mocking, crucifixion, abandonment and death.
What change could you make in your life to love your wife? What would you have to “give up”? Does she want more of your time? More physical affection? Does she want you to forgive her for something that you’ve never been able to let go of? I’m not asking you if that’s fair . . . Jesus never asked if it was fair for him to die to take away the sins of the world—because it wasn’t fair! It’s love for goodness sake!
Paul writes in Ephesians, “Husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies.” See, he knew men were good at loving themselves. He points out that no one hates their body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it. You don’t just feed yourself well one day and then forget to eat for the rest of the week. In the same way, when you love your wife, you continue to work at showing her that love not just once a week, or even once a day, but she becomes what you constantly are interested in. Love doesn’t turn back on itself and say, “But what am I getting out of all of this. Love asks the question, “What is she getting out of all of this?”
But how, you might ask. How can I show my wife love. Perhaps you’ve tried and failed . . . miserably. That’s what I’ve said Mother’s Day is all about. I often feel like Mother’s Day is an exercise in futility. No matter how much I love my mother, or my wife, I can’t seem to show them. Since we men are so good at loving ourselves, it’s tough to try and think of someone else all the time so we need a little help. There are a lot of directions you might go here, but I believe that the book, “The Five Love Languages” can be a lot of help in this area. I’m going to give you a brief synopsis here, but there are sheets that you can take home to work on this as well as a marriage retreat next week where we will be going over this in more detail.
Here’s how it goes guys. Every woman is like a cup . . . full of your favorite beverage. Use your imagination. When that cup is full, your wife is happy. When her cup is empty, aint nobody happy as the saying goes. But, not every cup is made alike and you can’t throw just anything in to fill them up. Some women feel love when you speak kindly to them or tell them how beautiful they are to you. Other women don’t care how much you tell them that (they know it already), but if they ask you to do something they want you to do it . . . and if you keep “forgetting” they won’t feel like you love them. On the other hand, you might have a wife who feels love in a completely different way. You could work your hands to the bone to support your family, tell her over and over how much you love her, but if you are always working and never at home to share your life with her, she won’t feel your love. Some of you husbands here might have the desire to love your wife, but have never figured out how to fill their cup. It’s important to show them love in the way they understand it.
The book, “The Five Love Languages” says that most people feel love in all five different ways, but usually one or two will be the most important. Through words of affirmation, acts of service, by receiving gifts, through physical touch or by getting quality time. No one way is better than any other. If you are married, take a risk and ask your wife to fill out a little survey (we’ve got a bunch of copies for you to pick up after the service) to help her tell you when and how she feels your love the most. If she won’t fill one out, take one anyway and do your best to figure it out. And when you find out how she needs to feel loved, act on that information no matter what. Not just once a week, but constantly. It might be hard and you may not be perfect at it; but if you ever figure it out, she will be loved and your marriage will be blessed.
Understand that learning to love another person is as important for husbands as it is for wives, for children and for everyone else as well. This information applies to all of you and you are all welcome to find out what you can to help you love others better. But, in marriage, God specifically tells us that a husband’s love is a key ingredient to a successful marriage. Some of you, husbands and wives, may have gone for years without receiving the love you need, or giving it, but now is another opportunity to change that. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loves the church. Because Jesus loves you, he gave himself up for you so that you could know his love. Your past mistakes are forgiven on account of what Jesus has done and you have hope for a new life, an eternal life with God forever. Trust, today, in God’s guidance for your marriage and you will have hope for a new relationship to enjoy for as long as you both shall live. Amen.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Sermon for June 13th (Faithfulness)
Temptations are a part of life. Temptations are a part of every marriage. There are a lot of beautiful people in this world and only one of them, at the most, can be your spouse. There are exciting things to do, wonderful places to go and great things to buy that you may never get to experience in the life you have, with the kids you have, with the partner you have. You may have had dreams about what marriage was supposed to be like that just have never come true or maybe were lost a long time ago. But, believe it or not, those temptations, those unmet expectations even those frustrated dreams can still be a part of a loving, healthy and faithful relationship. A Christian marriage, much like the Christian life in general, isn’t about perfection; it’s about forgiveness. A marriage isn’t built simply on excitement, but on love.
Many married couples are unhappy, aren’t they. But what makes them unhappy? Unmet expectations, feelings of rejection, lack of communication and the list goes on. But what would make these marriages happy? Some people have affairs in order to find happiness. However, there is no fleeting pleasure that can compare to the flood of guilt that follows later that night or the heartbreak that it causes to spouses, children and families. Some married people believe that leaving their marriage will make them happier and make things easier only to find that lonliness and depression, finding a new place to live and a dealing with custody battles aren’t really easy to deal with after all. Divorce is sometimes the best of two bad choices, but it is never easy and it really isn’t a “happy” experience.
You might be surprised to find out what the Bible says will bring happiness. It’s not about having the perfect spouse or the perfect life; instead, as Psalm 32 puts it, “Happy are those whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.” For those of you who are married, or who were at one time, you know that having a “perfect” spouse would probably be pretty miserable . . . because, not being perfect yourself, you could never keep up with them! What makes a happy marriage is not the sum of the good qualities in both partners. In a happy marriage, each person can accept the bad qualities in one another and continue loving that person for who they are—worts and all.
Today’s topic is faithfulness in a marriage. This morning, I am going to empower those of you who are married with ways to stay faithful to your spouse and I will deal with how a marriage can go forward after there is infidelity.
Nobody starts their marriage with the intention of cheating on their spouse. It is usually not even a matter of intentional infidelity, but a simple issue of “drifting”. Often, an affair will start with an acquaintance with common interests or with a friendship built on “being there” for one another. Then, only as friends of course, dreams are shared, more time is spent together, they laugh together and cry together . . . and everything is so great because you don’t have to bother your spouse with these issues or take up their time. It’s nice to have someone you can share things with at work, or on the internet, who doesn’t already know all your old stories.
Then, months later, you go out for a quick bite to eat one week and invite your friend over that night without remembering to tell your spouse who had to work late. What happens next nobody ever planned, or expected, but it just feels “right” in the moment. You never meant anything to happen, there was never any such destination, but by then it is too late and you’ve drifted to another shore.
As a Christian community, we have to be diligent in helping one another stay faithful to our marriages. If you see a good friendship “drifting” into something more, gently bring up the subject with them and pray for God’s guidance in the matter. This way we can keep our friendships strong AND our marriages stronger.
Kristy and I were engaged after dating for nine months in college . . . but we weren’t married until two and a half years later. At one of my jobs, I got to be friends with another work-study student and she and I would talk for a few hours each week while we folded envelopes. I don’t know when it was that I realized that I missed her at work and thought she was pretty cute. Then the guilt started setting in. I was engaged to the woman of my dreams and yet here I had a crush on some other girl and that really bothered me.
The writer of today’s psalm knows this feeling all too well, “While I kept silence, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand O God was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.” Would Kristy be really angry with me if I told her about my crush? Would she be jealous? Was God angry with me? Would this affect Kristy’s trust in me? What happened next is very interesting, I think.
You see, I told Kristy about my crush and you know what? She said she forgave me, that everything was fine and she may have even laughed a little bit. And at that very moment, once my deep dark secret was out in the open, the crush was crushed. It was over. I couldn’t figure out what I had seen in that other girl in the first place. Confessing my temptation was all it took for me to realize what a wonderful woman I already had been blessed with in my life.
Psalm 32, “Then I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not hide my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,’ and you forgave the guilt of my sin.’” Of course, it is extremely important not to simply confess all things to the Lord, but to also confess to your spouse or else the temptation stays a secret and the guilt continues. How do you stay faithful in your marriage? Confess your secret sins before they become too much too bear. The faster you bring your secrets out into the open, the less power they will have over your life.
Finally, what are the options after trust has been broken, both emotionally and especially physically? Should infidelity mean immediate divorce or is there, really, any possibility of reconciliation?
In Matthew 19, Jesus answers his disciples’ questions about divorce with a concession that unfaithfulness is indeed grounds for divorce, but his concession does not change his first statement, “It was because you were so hard hearted that Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.” While all of us can understand why unfaithfulness would be reasonable grounds for breaking up a marriage, I want you all to see that it is the ONLY reasonable option. Any marriage would be shaken to its core due to infidelity, but Jesus didn’t mandate that ALL unfaithfulness should end with a divorce.
In fact, the entire book of Hosea portrays God as the kind of God who continues loving and forgiving us even when we are unfaithful. God commands the prophet Hosea to marry a prostitute and even when she leaves him again and again to be unfaithful, God demands that Hosea return to her to bring her back. Would God have the right to cast us all off for our unfaithfulness to Him? For running after other gods and other lifestyles that we find better looking from time to time? Of course he would be justified for doing that! But he is a faithful God who forgives us again and again.
Only through confession and forgiveness can any marriage survive the struggles of this life. We are called to be faithful to one another, just as God is faithful to us. And through all circumstances, we are called to forgive each other just as Christ has forgiven us. Just as the woman in the story with Jesus could show great love because of the great forgiveness shown her, the more possible your forgiveness can be for your spouse when you realize the mercy shown to you through the death of Jesus on the cross.
God is faithful to you no matter what the cost because his relationship with you is not something he can separate himself from. It is my hope and my prayer that God will give you all the strength to be faithful to one another, and to forgive one another in all circumstances, so that your marriages might reflect the love God has shown you. No matter how much your marriage may be struggling right now, trust in God’s power to redeem. Seek help together and confess your secrets to one another. Forgive just as you have been forgiven. God is mighty to save both you and your marriage. He is faithful and He will do it. Amen.
Many married couples are unhappy, aren’t they. But what makes them unhappy? Unmet expectations, feelings of rejection, lack of communication and the list goes on. But what would make these marriages happy? Some people have affairs in order to find happiness. However, there is no fleeting pleasure that can compare to the flood of guilt that follows later that night or the heartbreak that it causes to spouses, children and families. Some married people believe that leaving their marriage will make them happier and make things easier only to find that lonliness and depression, finding a new place to live and a dealing with custody battles aren’t really easy to deal with after all. Divorce is sometimes the best of two bad choices, but it is never easy and it really isn’t a “happy” experience.
You might be surprised to find out what the Bible says will bring happiness. It’s not about having the perfect spouse or the perfect life; instead, as Psalm 32 puts it, “Happy are those whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.” For those of you who are married, or who were at one time, you know that having a “perfect” spouse would probably be pretty miserable . . . because, not being perfect yourself, you could never keep up with them! What makes a happy marriage is not the sum of the good qualities in both partners. In a happy marriage, each person can accept the bad qualities in one another and continue loving that person for who they are—worts and all.
Today’s topic is faithfulness in a marriage. This morning, I am going to empower those of you who are married with ways to stay faithful to your spouse and I will deal with how a marriage can go forward after there is infidelity.
Nobody starts their marriage with the intention of cheating on their spouse. It is usually not even a matter of intentional infidelity, but a simple issue of “drifting”. Often, an affair will start with an acquaintance with common interests or with a friendship built on “being there” for one another. Then, only as friends of course, dreams are shared, more time is spent together, they laugh together and cry together . . . and everything is so great because you don’t have to bother your spouse with these issues or take up their time. It’s nice to have someone you can share things with at work, or on the internet, who doesn’t already know all your old stories.
Then, months later, you go out for a quick bite to eat one week and invite your friend over that night without remembering to tell your spouse who had to work late. What happens next nobody ever planned, or expected, but it just feels “right” in the moment. You never meant anything to happen, there was never any such destination, but by then it is too late and you’ve drifted to another shore.
As a Christian community, we have to be diligent in helping one another stay faithful to our marriages. If you see a good friendship “drifting” into something more, gently bring up the subject with them and pray for God’s guidance in the matter. This way we can keep our friendships strong AND our marriages stronger.
Kristy and I were engaged after dating for nine months in college . . . but we weren’t married until two and a half years later. At one of my jobs, I got to be friends with another work-study student and she and I would talk for a few hours each week while we folded envelopes. I don’t know when it was that I realized that I missed her at work and thought she was pretty cute. Then the guilt started setting in. I was engaged to the woman of my dreams and yet here I had a crush on some other girl and that really bothered me.
The writer of today’s psalm knows this feeling all too well, “While I kept silence, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand O God was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.” Would Kristy be really angry with me if I told her about my crush? Would she be jealous? Was God angry with me? Would this affect Kristy’s trust in me? What happened next is very interesting, I think.
You see, I told Kristy about my crush and you know what? She said she forgave me, that everything was fine and she may have even laughed a little bit. And at that very moment, once my deep dark secret was out in the open, the crush was crushed. It was over. I couldn’t figure out what I had seen in that other girl in the first place. Confessing my temptation was all it took for me to realize what a wonderful woman I already had been blessed with in my life.
Psalm 32, “Then I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not hide my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,’ and you forgave the guilt of my sin.’” Of course, it is extremely important not to simply confess all things to the Lord, but to also confess to your spouse or else the temptation stays a secret and the guilt continues. How do you stay faithful in your marriage? Confess your secret sins before they become too much too bear. The faster you bring your secrets out into the open, the less power they will have over your life.
Finally, what are the options after trust has been broken, both emotionally and especially physically? Should infidelity mean immediate divorce or is there, really, any possibility of reconciliation?
In Matthew 19, Jesus answers his disciples’ questions about divorce with a concession that unfaithfulness is indeed grounds for divorce, but his concession does not change his first statement, “It was because you were so hard hearted that Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.” While all of us can understand why unfaithfulness would be reasonable grounds for breaking up a marriage, I want you all to see that it is the ONLY reasonable option. Any marriage would be shaken to its core due to infidelity, but Jesus didn’t mandate that ALL unfaithfulness should end with a divorce.
In fact, the entire book of Hosea portrays God as the kind of God who continues loving and forgiving us even when we are unfaithful. God commands the prophet Hosea to marry a prostitute and even when she leaves him again and again to be unfaithful, God demands that Hosea return to her to bring her back. Would God have the right to cast us all off for our unfaithfulness to Him? For running after other gods and other lifestyles that we find better looking from time to time? Of course he would be justified for doing that! But he is a faithful God who forgives us again and again.
Only through confession and forgiveness can any marriage survive the struggles of this life. We are called to be faithful to one another, just as God is faithful to us. And through all circumstances, we are called to forgive each other just as Christ has forgiven us. Just as the woman in the story with Jesus could show great love because of the great forgiveness shown her, the more possible your forgiveness can be for your spouse when you realize the mercy shown to you through the death of Jesus on the cross.
God is faithful to you no matter what the cost because his relationship with you is not something he can separate himself from. It is my hope and my prayer that God will give you all the strength to be faithful to one another, and to forgive one another in all circumstances, so that your marriages might reflect the love God has shown you. No matter how much your marriage may be struggling right now, trust in God’s power to redeem. Seek help together and confess your secrets to one another. Forgive just as you have been forgiven. God is mighty to save both you and your marriage. He is faithful and He will do it. Amen.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Sermon for June 6th (The Loss of a Dream)
In the movie What Dreams May Come, a family is torn apart through three tragic accidents. First, a couples’ two children, a teenage boy and a young girl, are killed in a car accident. Then, the husband, a doctor, is also killed when he is hit by a car. Finally, the woman commits suicide. The movie begins when this man and woman found each other and realized that they were “soul mates” as the show calls it. Their lives seemed perfect, like a dream. But then suddenly, they lost their dream and it all came tumbling down.
The movie continues in heaven where the husband awaits his wife. However, he finds out that she is somewhere else. He decides to go after her and bring her back with him to heaven. But, when he gets to where she is, he realizes that the depth of her despair is so immense that she cannot leave . . . in fact, she will not. She has lost all her hope and all her dreams. She lost her children, she lost her husband . . . she lost all that was dear to her in her life. She can’t imagine that she could know joy again. And so her husband must make a decision. If he stays, he will lose his mind as well and enter into everlasting despair with her or, he can go back to heaven, but without her. He decides to stay.
The ending of the movie is a surprise when we see both the husband and the wife together again in this so called heaven. The husband asks his wife what happened because he had decided to stay with her in that miserable place forever. She explains that everything changed when she realized that he would join her there. When she realized that he would give up everything to be with her in her despair. She said the difference came when he was willing to share the pain with her forever.
In a marriage, there are times of great struggle, but none might be as great as losing our hopes and dreams, especially when those hopes and dreams are wrapped up in a child. Sometimes it happens in an instant, when a child’s life is put out through a freak accident that nobody sees coming. At other times, a child dies because of a lingering disease, much too soon, before they ever really grow up. There is a deep sense of loss when a child dies through miscarriage and the nursery lies waiting but empty. And there is a sense of emptiness when hopes for a child are frustrated through impotency or infertility. This morning, I want to talk about two things: first, how can husbands and wives love one another best when struggling through a loss of this kind and how can we support marriages that are dealing with these losses. Second, what can God do for us when we are struggling with the loss of a child.
In the movie, the woman explained that she could only find her way out of despair was when her husband decided to join her there. In a marriage or in any close relationship, there can be times when one partner feels a loss much more strongly than the other and it can feel like a very solitary place to be. You want to be able to “just get on with life”, but depression keeps setting in. Everybody else is moving on but you just cannot. If the one closest to you, the one who you believe should be hurting as much as you, seems to be able to survive, it can make you not only feel worse but, in a way, it can cause you to want to stay in the despair even longer just so you won’t forget—almost like if you moved on it would be as if the loss wasn’t important or wasn’t real after all.
Ironically, however, while the one who is depressed appears, in the eyes of society, to be weak and struggling, it is often those who seem to be “getting on with life” who are really suffering. If you have experienced the loss of a child, it takes a great deal of courage to “give up to the pain” and risk losing one’s self with your partner, but taking this risk can create a stronger bond even in the midst of the greatest despair. Then, instead of one of you pulling the other “out”, you can lift one another up. Sometimes, for the sake of a relationship, we have to be willing to “lose ourselves” in order to gain the one we care for the most. Jesus put it this way when talking about our relationship with God, “For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it.”
Sharing the pain of a loss applies just as much to those who are on the outside looking in. When you see a couple struggling after a miscarriage, after the death of a child, or when you know a couple is fighting through infertility, it is important not to try and “fix” things by talking about how everything will be better eventually; instead, giving people the freedom to feel sad with someone can be the greatest gift of all.
Do you know the story of Job who lost his entire family and all his property, even his health? In that story, he had three friends “who came and sat with him on the ground for seven days and seven nights and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.” If the story had ended there, they would have probably been seen in a much better light; instead, they started giving their opinions and, today, we criticize their answers. Why? Because there is really no good answer to why bad things happen to beautiful babies, or why children die, or why wonderful would-be mothers cannot seem to get pregnant. Sometimes the best response we can give to death is to share our grief together with others.
On internship, I was asked by a older couple about their little girl who died when she was two. They came to me, so many years later, because she had died but was not baptized. They not only lost their child, but they lived in fear of having somehow not given her the chance at eternal life. It is in the midst of this kind of loss where we find out what God can do for us in our struggles.
In two of the texts for today, a child has died and, by the power of God, they are both brought back to life. Of course, you might ask: why some and not others? Or, as Mary and Martha both cried out to Jesus when their brother Lazarus died, “If you had been here Lord, he would not have died!” Where is God when a child dies!? How could he allow it to happen at all!? The truth is hard to hear: God was right there when it happened, holding your child in his loving arms. He is right there through every infertility treatment. He has never let you go. That’s the truth, but it’s not easy to understand.
However, because we know that God is right there, there is also the possibility of hope. A spark of light in the darkness of over forty years of guilt for a couple thinking back to why they hadn’t taken the time to bless their child with God’s promise of eternal life. If God is right there, when a child dies, when dreams are dashed, when hopes are lost, he also has the power to give life where none of us dared to believe life could exist. Jesus says, “Nothing in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” We trust the lives of our little babies into the merciful hands of a Savior who is mighty to save even in the midst of things we have done or left undone.
We are called to join with those who are struggling and hurting in their marriages from loss, but Jesus Christ already knows what it is like to join in that suffering. He died on the cross for you so that he might know your pain and sorrow during the loss of a child, the loss of a dream and the loss of hope. He did not promise us a life free of suffering, but that one day our suffering would turn to joy in eternal life. If you have come today never having heard this great promise, I encourage you to talk with me or with someone else here this morning about building upon the relationship Jesus already has begun with you. Perhaps you have never been baptized and don’t know what all the fuss is about. You may have experienced the loss of your dreams alone. Through faith in Jesus and the promise of baptism, you will receive both a community and a Savior. When death comes, you don’t want to look at what you have done or left undone; hearing God’s promise gives you something, or rather, someone to believe in.
Finally, if your heart hangs heavy from the loss of a child or the loss of a dream, I encourage you to rest in the arms of God who weeps with you and has joined you in your sorrow. He will not let you go and he never has. Through all the storms of life, he has never left your side. You may trust your life, your marriage, your family and your children to his love and in his power to save. One day, after the pain of this life is over, you will see the glory of a God who has never lost a sheep in his fold and, I pray, that when that time comes, you may find yourself able to praise him again knowing that, though there is much loss in this life, there is also a sure and certain hope for resurrection because of Jesus Christ. God’s only son died on a cross, but because He lives again, we can hope in His love and His power to save. Amen.
The movie continues in heaven where the husband awaits his wife. However, he finds out that she is somewhere else. He decides to go after her and bring her back with him to heaven. But, when he gets to where she is, he realizes that the depth of her despair is so immense that she cannot leave . . . in fact, she will not. She has lost all her hope and all her dreams. She lost her children, she lost her husband . . . she lost all that was dear to her in her life. She can’t imagine that she could know joy again. And so her husband must make a decision. If he stays, he will lose his mind as well and enter into everlasting despair with her or, he can go back to heaven, but without her. He decides to stay.
The ending of the movie is a surprise when we see both the husband and the wife together again in this so called heaven. The husband asks his wife what happened because he had decided to stay with her in that miserable place forever. She explains that everything changed when she realized that he would join her there. When she realized that he would give up everything to be with her in her despair. She said the difference came when he was willing to share the pain with her forever.
In a marriage, there are times of great struggle, but none might be as great as losing our hopes and dreams, especially when those hopes and dreams are wrapped up in a child. Sometimes it happens in an instant, when a child’s life is put out through a freak accident that nobody sees coming. At other times, a child dies because of a lingering disease, much too soon, before they ever really grow up. There is a deep sense of loss when a child dies through miscarriage and the nursery lies waiting but empty. And there is a sense of emptiness when hopes for a child are frustrated through impotency or infertility. This morning, I want to talk about two things: first, how can husbands and wives love one another best when struggling through a loss of this kind and how can we support marriages that are dealing with these losses. Second, what can God do for us when we are struggling with the loss of a child.
In the movie, the woman explained that she could only find her way out of despair was when her husband decided to join her there. In a marriage or in any close relationship, there can be times when one partner feels a loss much more strongly than the other and it can feel like a very solitary place to be. You want to be able to “just get on with life”, but depression keeps setting in. Everybody else is moving on but you just cannot. If the one closest to you, the one who you believe should be hurting as much as you, seems to be able to survive, it can make you not only feel worse but, in a way, it can cause you to want to stay in the despair even longer just so you won’t forget—almost like if you moved on it would be as if the loss wasn’t important or wasn’t real after all.
Ironically, however, while the one who is depressed appears, in the eyes of society, to be weak and struggling, it is often those who seem to be “getting on with life” who are really suffering. If you have experienced the loss of a child, it takes a great deal of courage to “give up to the pain” and risk losing one’s self with your partner, but taking this risk can create a stronger bond even in the midst of the greatest despair. Then, instead of one of you pulling the other “out”, you can lift one another up. Sometimes, for the sake of a relationship, we have to be willing to “lose ourselves” in order to gain the one we care for the most. Jesus put it this way when talking about our relationship with God, “For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it.”
Sharing the pain of a loss applies just as much to those who are on the outside looking in. When you see a couple struggling after a miscarriage, after the death of a child, or when you know a couple is fighting through infertility, it is important not to try and “fix” things by talking about how everything will be better eventually; instead, giving people the freedom to feel sad with someone can be the greatest gift of all.
Do you know the story of Job who lost his entire family and all his property, even his health? In that story, he had three friends “who came and sat with him on the ground for seven days and seven nights and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.” If the story had ended there, they would have probably been seen in a much better light; instead, they started giving their opinions and, today, we criticize their answers. Why? Because there is really no good answer to why bad things happen to beautiful babies, or why children die, or why wonderful would-be mothers cannot seem to get pregnant. Sometimes the best response we can give to death is to share our grief together with others.
On internship, I was asked by a older couple about their little girl who died when she was two. They came to me, so many years later, because she had died but was not baptized. They not only lost their child, but they lived in fear of having somehow not given her the chance at eternal life. It is in the midst of this kind of loss where we find out what God can do for us in our struggles.
In two of the texts for today, a child has died and, by the power of God, they are both brought back to life. Of course, you might ask: why some and not others? Or, as Mary and Martha both cried out to Jesus when their brother Lazarus died, “If you had been here Lord, he would not have died!” Where is God when a child dies!? How could he allow it to happen at all!? The truth is hard to hear: God was right there when it happened, holding your child in his loving arms. He is right there through every infertility treatment. He has never let you go. That’s the truth, but it’s not easy to understand.
However, because we know that God is right there, there is also the possibility of hope. A spark of light in the darkness of over forty years of guilt for a couple thinking back to why they hadn’t taken the time to bless their child with God’s promise of eternal life. If God is right there, when a child dies, when dreams are dashed, when hopes are lost, he also has the power to give life where none of us dared to believe life could exist. Jesus says, “Nothing in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” We trust the lives of our little babies into the merciful hands of a Savior who is mighty to save even in the midst of things we have done or left undone.
We are called to join with those who are struggling and hurting in their marriages from loss, but Jesus Christ already knows what it is like to join in that suffering. He died on the cross for you so that he might know your pain and sorrow during the loss of a child, the loss of a dream and the loss of hope. He did not promise us a life free of suffering, but that one day our suffering would turn to joy in eternal life. If you have come today never having heard this great promise, I encourage you to talk with me or with someone else here this morning about building upon the relationship Jesus already has begun with you. Perhaps you have never been baptized and don’t know what all the fuss is about. You may have experienced the loss of your dreams alone. Through faith in Jesus and the promise of baptism, you will receive both a community and a Savior. When death comes, you don’t want to look at what you have done or left undone; hearing God’s promise gives you something, or rather, someone to believe in.
Finally, if your heart hangs heavy from the loss of a child or the loss of a dream, I encourage you to rest in the arms of God who weeps with you and has joined you in your sorrow. He will not let you go and he never has. Through all the storms of life, he has never left your side. You may trust your life, your marriage, your family and your children to his love and in his power to save. One day, after the pain of this life is over, you will see the glory of a God who has never lost a sheep in his fold and, I pray, that when that time comes, you may find yourself able to praise him again knowing that, though there is much loss in this life, there is also a sure and certain hope for resurrection because of Jesus Christ. God’s only son died on a cross, but because He lives again, we can hope in His love and His power to save. Amen.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Sermon for May 30th (Healing)
How many of you have been sick in your lives? Probably all of you at one point in time or another. How many of you have ever had a painful relationship with someone you loved? Again, I’d say all of us have gone through something like that. How many of you have ever felt guilty because of something you’ve done or questioned how God could love someone like you? Maybe that is why you are here today.
So then, how many of you have prayed to God that he would free you from your pain, healed your relationships and forgiven your sins? I hope that most of you have. But here’s the real question: how many of you believe that, when you pray, it will actually happen? How many of you, when faced with an approaching knee surgery, pray that God would heal you knee without the need for surgery? Would you pray that prayer for someone else? Would you believe it could actually happen? When someone comes to you with feelings of anxiety, anger or even depression, do you pray with them or simply encourage them to see a psychologist? When you open your eyes, after the prayer, do you expect that God has made a new creation even though it seems impossible to you? Why not?
Jesus made this promise in the gospel of John, “Very truly, I tell you, if you ask anything of the Father in my name, he will give it to you. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be complete.” Do you believe that? If we do, then why aren’t we calling upon God day and night to live up to his promise and why don’t we expect our prayers to be answered.
I’ve always been a big pray-er. But when I moved to Connecticut something changed in my prayer life. Before I moved, I remember sitting next to people in nursing homes or hospitals during seminary and saying wonderful prayers about how I hoped that God would heal them or help them recover but, when I opened my eyes, and I’m being completely honest here, when I opened my eyes I expected them to be lying there in pain still. I thought that maybe they might feel better on the inside, but I didn’t think that God would actually heal any real emotional distress. Now, understand me, it’s not that I didn’t think that God had the power to heal, I just didn’t think that he would heal from my prayers.
Today, I know something very important that I didn’t know then. Not only is God powerful and able to heal (which I already knew), but know I know that He WANTS to heal people. Jesus promised to listen to our prayers and he is wise enough to know where people need healing and when they need it. Now, when I pray for healing, I often pray for impossible things, the more impossible the better I figure, and when I open my eyes I believe that I might have opened them to a new creation.
Whenever you are praying for someone, believe that God is listening, trust their healing into his hands, and open your eyes with the expectation that healing has occurred. It may be that God heals something in a dramatic way right that moment, it may be delayed by a few days or the healing might show up in a place nobody was expecting, but whenever you pray for someone, believe this: healing is taking place.
We are having a healing service today and you will all be welcome to come forward to one of our two stations to be prayed over. It’s not only important that those of us who are praying believe that God will do what we are asking, but that those who are being prayed over believe that God is faithful and will do it as well. But, remember, one of the biggest hindrances to healing is unrepentant sin—guilt—and so I’d like to mention briefly why that is and how to deal with it.
There is a connection between sin and sickness, as well as faith and healing. Sickness and disease is in our world because of our brokenness. Jesus came to free us from that bondage to sin and death. I am NOT suggesting that there is simply a cause and effect relationship between sin and sickness as if to say that everyone with a disease A committed sin B; however, everyone who is sick is a sinner and, not surprisingly, many sicknesses come from sin.
For example, we know from the Bible that overeating is a sin—it calls it a fancy word (gluttony), but that’s what it means—eating more than you need. In America, there are a lot of people struggling with this sin. It’s on a lot of our minds every day and it’s tough for us to deal with. Ask any dietician and you’ll find out that what happens if you commit this sin over a long period of time: obesity. And we’ve all heard the sickness and disease that obesity causes: hypertension, type 2 diabetes, heart attacks, strokes, low-self esteem and the list goes on. However, does that mean that ALL people who are obese also overeat? Actually, no, there are sometimes other reasons such as hormonal imbalances. Does this mean that all people who are obese will get these diseases, no, doesn’t work that way either. However, there is a sin and sickness connection isn’t there.
But one of the biggest hindrances to healing is unrepentant sin. So, if we are going to pray for someone to be healed of a sickness such as type-2 diabetes and they don’t feel bad for overeating and have no intention of turning away from that lifestyle, we may find that our prayers are unanswered. On the other hand, when there is a desire for forgiveness and change, God might not only heal that disease but also give the strength to succeed in losing weight in spite of an overwhelming addiction to food. There is a sin and sickness connection, but there is also a faith and healing connection.
Imagine, on the other hand, that a mother and daughter are having relationship troubles. Many unkind words have been exchanged and a great deal of disrespect has been dished out from both sides. When we pray that their relationship be healed, if they both harbor resentment and unforgiveness, it won’t matter how much God wants to heal their hearts, they won’t believe it. How will they believe God can forgive if they can’t forgive one another? However, praying for them might soften their hearts enough to say that they are sorry to one another and to forgive one another . . . and any relationship will be strengthened when that happens. But if each is just waiting for the OTHER to be healed--there is no accountability--no repentance.
One final point today that I cannot emphasize enough. This point is made by the apostle Paul in the last chapter of Galatians, almost at the end of the book, “May I never boast of anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.” It seems ironic, if not just plain awkward, to speak of the healing ministry as a Christian when our Savior died. He still has the wounds of his crucifixion on his hands and feet in fact. The apostle Paul admits in Philipians that he prayed three times for God to take away a thorn in his flesh, but that God told him, “My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.” The only way we can truly understand what healing is really about is when we realize that when we pray for healing we are truly praying for our own death, for only at death will we actually be completely healed. It's not a ministry of glory, but a ministry of weakness.
Healing is not about seeing God’s glory as much as it is seeing how deep our suffering is that Jesus had to die to save us. God is most glorious up there hanging dead on the cross—for it is by Jesus’ wounds that we are healed. We do not boast of our faith, or our healing, or our church, or our faithfulness—May we never boast of anything except the cross of Jesus Christ. Many have taken this wonderful ministry of healing and made it all about a particular person or a special kind of faith which kills the gift that God has given. When this happens, people begin believing that healing is about OUR power (instead of God’s power) or, when they do not see what the results they expect, they blame themselves for their weakness (rather than trusting in God’s wisdom and faithfulness to suffer with them). Healing does not happen because of a faith healer's power but through God's power. If healing doesn't happen as we expect it to right away, we shouldn't blame a person's faith, but trust in God's power.
I pray that, today, you all experience the great power of God’s signs and wonders, but what I really hope happens today more than anything else is that God heals the image that we have of him. We will all die one day, whether we experience a miraculous personal healing today or not, but God promises us that he wants us to have a life that we can live abundantly. Trust that God will heal when you pray or are prayed for and trust that God will heal you where and in what way you need it the most. The Holy Spirit knows our needs even more than we do ourselves.
Before we begin our healing service today, we are going to confess our sins before God and ask forgiveness. Many of us here are struggling with sickness, disease, broken relationships and guilt in our lives; by asking for forgiveness, we are trusting our lives into God’s hands. And when you hear the words of forgiveness, that your sins are washed clean in the blood of Jesus’ cross, consider the fact that Jesus came not just to save you spiritually, but emotionally, mentally and physically as well. He came to deliver you not only from death, but from the effects of sin in your life right now. So, consider this your invitation to know God’s salvation more fully in your life, through the forgiveness of your sins and also through the healing of your bodies, minds and relationships.
So then, how many of you have prayed to God that he would free you from your pain, healed your relationships and forgiven your sins? I hope that most of you have. But here’s the real question: how many of you believe that, when you pray, it will actually happen? How many of you, when faced with an approaching knee surgery, pray that God would heal you knee without the need for surgery? Would you pray that prayer for someone else? Would you believe it could actually happen? When someone comes to you with feelings of anxiety, anger or even depression, do you pray with them or simply encourage them to see a psychologist? When you open your eyes, after the prayer, do you expect that God has made a new creation even though it seems impossible to you? Why not?
Jesus made this promise in the gospel of John, “Very truly, I tell you, if you ask anything of the Father in my name, he will give it to you. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be complete.” Do you believe that? If we do, then why aren’t we calling upon God day and night to live up to his promise and why don’t we expect our prayers to be answered.
I’ve always been a big pray-er. But when I moved to Connecticut something changed in my prayer life. Before I moved, I remember sitting next to people in nursing homes or hospitals during seminary and saying wonderful prayers about how I hoped that God would heal them or help them recover but, when I opened my eyes, and I’m being completely honest here, when I opened my eyes I expected them to be lying there in pain still. I thought that maybe they might feel better on the inside, but I didn’t think that God would actually heal any real emotional distress. Now, understand me, it’s not that I didn’t think that God had the power to heal, I just didn’t think that he would heal from my prayers.
Today, I know something very important that I didn’t know then. Not only is God powerful and able to heal (which I already knew), but know I know that He WANTS to heal people. Jesus promised to listen to our prayers and he is wise enough to know where people need healing and when they need it. Now, when I pray for healing, I often pray for impossible things, the more impossible the better I figure, and when I open my eyes I believe that I might have opened them to a new creation.
Whenever you are praying for someone, believe that God is listening, trust their healing into his hands, and open your eyes with the expectation that healing has occurred. It may be that God heals something in a dramatic way right that moment, it may be delayed by a few days or the healing might show up in a place nobody was expecting, but whenever you pray for someone, believe this: healing is taking place.
We are having a healing service today and you will all be welcome to come forward to one of our two stations to be prayed over. It’s not only important that those of us who are praying believe that God will do what we are asking, but that those who are being prayed over believe that God is faithful and will do it as well. But, remember, one of the biggest hindrances to healing is unrepentant sin—guilt—and so I’d like to mention briefly why that is and how to deal with it.
There is a connection between sin and sickness, as well as faith and healing. Sickness and disease is in our world because of our brokenness. Jesus came to free us from that bondage to sin and death. I am NOT suggesting that there is simply a cause and effect relationship between sin and sickness as if to say that everyone with a disease A committed sin B; however, everyone who is sick is a sinner and, not surprisingly, many sicknesses come from sin.
For example, we know from the Bible that overeating is a sin—it calls it a fancy word (gluttony), but that’s what it means—eating more than you need. In America, there are a lot of people struggling with this sin. It’s on a lot of our minds every day and it’s tough for us to deal with. Ask any dietician and you’ll find out that what happens if you commit this sin over a long period of time: obesity. And we’ve all heard the sickness and disease that obesity causes: hypertension, type 2 diabetes, heart attacks, strokes, low-self esteem and the list goes on. However, does that mean that ALL people who are obese also overeat? Actually, no, there are sometimes other reasons such as hormonal imbalances. Does this mean that all people who are obese will get these diseases, no, doesn’t work that way either. However, there is a sin and sickness connection isn’t there.
But one of the biggest hindrances to healing is unrepentant sin. So, if we are going to pray for someone to be healed of a sickness such as type-2 diabetes and they don’t feel bad for overeating and have no intention of turning away from that lifestyle, we may find that our prayers are unanswered. On the other hand, when there is a desire for forgiveness and change, God might not only heal that disease but also give the strength to succeed in losing weight in spite of an overwhelming addiction to food. There is a sin and sickness connection, but there is also a faith and healing connection.
Imagine, on the other hand, that a mother and daughter are having relationship troubles. Many unkind words have been exchanged and a great deal of disrespect has been dished out from both sides. When we pray that their relationship be healed, if they both harbor resentment and unforgiveness, it won’t matter how much God wants to heal their hearts, they won’t believe it. How will they believe God can forgive if they can’t forgive one another? However, praying for them might soften their hearts enough to say that they are sorry to one another and to forgive one another . . . and any relationship will be strengthened when that happens. But if each is just waiting for the OTHER to be healed--there is no accountability--no repentance.
One final point today that I cannot emphasize enough. This point is made by the apostle Paul in the last chapter of Galatians, almost at the end of the book, “May I never boast of anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.” It seems ironic, if not just plain awkward, to speak of the healing ministry as a Christian when our Savior died. He still has the wounds of his crucifixion on his hands and feet in fact. The apostle Paul admits in Philipians that he prayed three times for God to take away a thorn in his flesh, but that God told him, “My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.” The only way we can truly understand what healing is really about is when we realize that when we pray for healing we are truly praying for our own death, for only at death will we actually be completely healed. It's not a ministry of glory, but a ministry of weakness.
Healing is not about seeing God’s glory as much as it is seeing how deep our suffering is that Jesus had to die to save us. God is most glorious up there hanging dead on the cross—for it is by Jesus’ wounds that we are healed. We do not boast of our faith, or our healing, or our church, or our faithfulness—May we never boast of anything except the cross of Jesus Christ. Many have taken this wonderful ministry of healing and made it all about a particular person or a special kind of faith which kills the gift that God has given. When this happens, people begin believing that healing is about OUR power (instead of God’s power) or, when they do not see what the results they expect, they blame themselves for their weakness (rather than trusting in God’s wisdom and faithfulness to suffer with them). Healing does not happen because of a faith healer's power but through God's power. If healing doesn't happen as we expect it to right away, we shouldn't blame a person's faith, but trust in God's power.
I pray that, today, you all experience the great power of God’s signs and wonders, but what I really hope happens today more than anything else is that God heals the image that we have of him. We will all die one day, whether we experience a miraculous personal healing today or not, but God promises us that he wants us to have a life that we can live abundantly. Trust that God will heal when you pray or are prayed for and trust that God will heal you where and in what way you need it the most. The Holy Spirit knows our needs even more than we do ourselves.
Before we begin our healing service today, we are going to confess our sins before God and ask forgiveness. Many of us here are struggling with sickness, disease, broken relationships and guilt in our lives; by asking for forgiveness, we are trusting our lives into God’s hands. And when you hear the words of forgiveness, that your sins are washed clean in the blood of Jesus’ cross, consider the fact that Jesus came not just to save you spiritually, but emotionally, mentally and physically as well. He came to deliver you not only from death, but from the effects of sin in your life right now. So, consider this your invitation to know God’s salvation more fully in your life, through the forgiveness of your sins and also through the healing of your bodies, minds and relationships.
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