Sermon for June 20th (A Husband's Love)

In Ephesians chapter 5, both the husband and the wife are called to submit to one another because they respect the Lord. What does that mean? Well, God instituted marriage in order to help us live healthy and happy lives together even though, of course, there are time when the people in those marriages don’t do a very good job of fulfilling God’s call. Most of the time in the Bible, the word submit refers to our relationship to God, we are to submit ourselves to God commands for instance; however, just because it’s the same word doesn’t mean that we are to submit to one another AS IF they were God (nobody could live up to that!), but because God instituted us to be in relationship with one another, we are called to submit to one another out of respect for how God ordered the world, including our marriages.

How does a husband submit to his wife? By loving her. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” I know that some of you have heard me say how I think that this whole Father’s Day and Mother’s Day thing is really unfair. I mean, men and women have different gifts and, let’s face it guys, we have the gift of selfishness. We can come up with all kinds of great ways to have a good time and help others show us some love. But when I ask my wife what she wants for her birthday or mother’s day or whatever she sometimes has a hard time figuring it out and (this is the really mind-boggling part) even if she CAN think of something she’ll feel bad for wanting it let alone if she actually would get it for a gift. Me, on the other hand, just ask me and I’ll tell you some things I want and if I get them—no guilt. I LIKE to make myself happy. I enjoy feeling loved. What can I say . . .it’s a gift!

How does a husband submit to his wife? By using those God given talents for love and using them to love his wife. God made men with the need to love someone. And for those of you who are married men, God blessed you with your wives.

Now guys, I don’t mean loving them the way YOU want to be loved. “Hey honey! I bought you a new grill so that you can have more hot dogs and hamburgers to go with your beer!” Uh-uh. That’s showing love, but, like I said, we men have an amazing gift to love ourselves. Guys, now be honest, if you want something, it doesn’t matter if it always makes sense. It might cost too much or take too much time, but if you got it you’d be happy. Imagine if your wife really wanted something . . . would you ask first whether it would make her happy or whether it made sense to you? Love doesn’t always make sense. We are called to love ours wives just as Jesus Christ loved the church. What does that mean?

To begin, I have to cover my rear-end with you men that are here and explain how I can have the audacity to talk about how to better love your wives on Father’s Day of all days. Today is supposed to be the one day out of the year when we men can shower the love on ourselves—no holds barred.

Today is Father’s Day and, so, it is a day to celebrate Fathers. I WANT you to be celebrated. I WANT you to be considered a good Father. And the fact is that everybody knows a good father by how he treats his wife. It’s a fact and children notice it. It’s not just how you treat your children that makes you a good father—it’s how you love your wife. If you talk about your wife in a negative manner, especially in front of other people, your children will talk to their mom that way too . . . and it will reflect on you. Men who beat their wives, either physically or verbally, raise children who do the same thing to the women in their lives. But if you treat your wife like the jewel she is, you will raise children who love their mother as much as you do. If you love your wife just as Jesus Christ loves the church, your Father’s Day celebration will become a day when people honor you with their hearts and not just their lips. I want husbands and fathers to be celebrated every day of the year (not just one) so let’s find ways of loving our wives just as Christ loves the church.

How does Christ love the church? By giving himself up for her. “Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death—even death on a cross.” But you might say! That’s going a little over board pastor, but I’m not asking you to jump in front of a truck and get run over . . . that might actually be an easier way out that what I am encouraging you to do. Jesus had everything he could ever want (he was God after all), but he gave that all up to become human, to be vulnerable to hunger, pain, mocking, crucifixion, abandonment and death.

What change could you make in your life to love your wife? What would you have to “give up”? Does she want more of your time? More physical affection? Does she want you to forgive her for something that you’ve never been able to let go of? I’m not asking you if that’s fair . . . Jesus never asked if it was fair for him to die to take away the sins of the world—because it wasn’t fair! It’s love for goodness sake!

Paul writes in Ephesians, “Husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies.” See, he knew men were good at loving themselves. He points out that no one hates their body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it. You don’t just feed yourself well one day and then forget to eat for the rest of the week. In the same way, when you love your wife, you continue to work at showing her that love not just once a week, or even once a day, but she becomes what you constantly are interested in. Love doesn’t turn back on itself and say, “But what am I getting out of all of this. Love asks the question, “What is she getting out of all of this?”

But how, you might ask. How can I show my wife love. Perhaps you’ve tried and failed . . . miserably. That’s what I’ve said Mother’s Day is all about. I often feel like Mother’s Day is an exercise in futility. No matter how much I love my mother, or my wife, I can’t seem to show them. Since we men are so good at loving ourselves, it’s tough to try and think of someone else all the time so we need a little help. There are a lot of directions you might go here, but I believe that the book, “The Five Love Languages” can be a lot of help in this area. I’m going to give you a brief synopsis here, but there are sheets that you can take home to work on this as well as a marriage retreat next week where we will be going over this in more detail.

Here’s how it goes guys. Every woman is like a cup . . . full of your favorite beverage. Use your imagination. When that cup is full, your wife is happy. When her cup is empty, aint nobody happy as the saying goes. But, not every cup is made alike and you can’t throw just anything in to fill them up. Some women feel love when you speak kindly to them or tell them how beautiful they are to you. Other women don’t care how much you tell them that (they know it already), but if they ask you to do something they want you to do it . . . and if you keep “forgetting” they won’t feel like you love them. On the other hand, you might have a wife who feels love in a completely different way. You could work your hands to the bone to support your family, tell her over and over how much you love her, but if you are always working and never at home to share your life with her, she won’t feel your love. Some of you husbands here might have the desire to love your wife, but have never figured out how to fill their cup. It’s important to show them love in the way they understand it.

The book, “The Five Love Languages” says that most people feel love in all five different ways, but usually one or two will be the most important. Through words of affirmation, acts of service, by receiving gifts, through physical touch or by getting quality time. No one way is better than any other. If you are married, take a risk and ask your wife to fill out a little survey (we’ve got a bunch of copies for you to pick up after the service) to help her tell you when and how she feels your love the most. If she won’t fill one out, take one anyway and do your best to figure it out. And when you find out how she needs to feel loved, act on that information no matter what. Not just once a week, but constantly. It might be hard and you may not be perfect at it; but if you ever figure it out, she will be loved and your marriage will be blessed.

Understand that learning to love another person is as important for husbands as it is for wives, for children and for everyone else as well. This information applies to all of you and you are all welcome to find out what you can to help you love others better. But, in marriage, God specifically tells us that a husband’s love is a key ingredient to a successful marriage. Some of you, husbands and wives, may have gone for years without receiving the love you need, or giving it, but now is another opportunity to change that. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loves the church. Because Jesus loves you, he gave himself up for you so that you could know his love. Your past mistakes are forgiven on account of what Jesus has done and you have hope for a new life, an eternal life with God forever. Trust, today, in God’s guidance for your marriage and you will have hope for a new relationship to enjoy for as long as you both shall live. Amen.