Sermon for June 13th (Faithfulness)

Temptations are a part of life. Temptations are a part of every marriage. There are a lot of beautiful people in this world and only one of them, at the most, can be your spouse. There are exciting things to do, wonderful places to go and great things to buy that you may never get to experience in the life you have, with the kids you have, with the partner you have. You may have had dreams about what marriage was supposed to be like that just have never come true or maybe were lost a long time ago. But, believe it or not, those temptations, those unmet expectations even those frustrated dreams can still be a part of a loving, healthy and faithful relationship. A Christian marriage, much like the Christian life in general, isn’t about perfection; it’s about forgiveness. A marriage isn’t built simply on excitement, but on love.

Many married couples are unhappy, aren’t they. But what makes them unhappy? Unmet expectations, feelings of rejection, lack of communication and the list goes on. But what would make these marriages happy? Some people have affairs in order to find happiness. However, there is no fleeting pleasure that can compare to the flood of guilt that follows later that night or the heartbreak that it causes to spouses, children and families. Some married people believe that leaving their marriage will make them happier and make things easier only to find that lonliness and depression, finding a new place to live and a dealing with custody battles aren’t really easy to deal with after all. Divorce is sometimes the best of two bad choices, but it is never easy and it really isn’t a “happy” experience.

You might be surprised to find out what the Bible says will bring happiness. It’s not about having the perfect spouse or the perfect life; instead, as Psalm 32 puts it, “Happy are those whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.” For those of you who are married, or who were at one time, you know that having a “perfect” spouse would probably be pretty miserable . . . because, not being perfect yourself, you could never keep up with them! What makes a happy marriage is not the sum of the good qualities in both partners. In a happy marriage, each person can accept the bad qualities in one another and continue loving that person for who they are—worts and all.

Today’s topic is faithfulness in a marriage. This morning, I am going to empower those of you who are married with ways to stay faithful to your spouse and I will deal with how a marriage can go forward after there is infidelity.

Nobody starts their marriage with the intention of cheating on their spouse. It is usually not even a matter of intentional infidelity, but a simple issue of “drifting”. Often, an affair will start with an acquaintance with common interests or with a friendship built on “being there” for one another. Then, only as friends of course, dreams are shared, more time is spent together, they laugh together and cry together . . . and everything is so great because you don’t have to bother your spouse with these issues or take up their time. It’s nice to have someone you can share things with at work, or on the internet, who doesn’t already know all your old stories.

Then, months later, you go out for a quick bite to eat one week and invite your friend over that night without remembering to tell your spouse who had to work late. What happens next nobody ever planned, or expected, but it just feels “right” in the moment. You never meant anything to happen, there was never any such destination, but by then it is too late and you’ve drifted to another shore.

As a Christian community, we have to be diligent in helping one another stay faithful to our marriages. If you see a good friendship “drifting” into something more, gently bring up the subject with them and pray for God’s guidance in the matter. This way we can keep our friendships strong AND our marriages stronger.

Kristy and I were engaged after dating for nine months in college . . . but we weren’t married until two and a half years later. At one of my jobs, I got to be friends with another work-study student and she and I would talk for a few hours each week while we folded envelopes. I don’t know when it was that I realized that I missed her at work and thought she was pretty cute. Then the guilt started setting in. I was engaged to the woman of my dreams and yet here I had a crush on some other girl and that really bothered me.

The writer of today’s psalm knows this feeling all too well, “While I kept silence, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand O God was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.” Would Kristy be really angry with me if I told her about my crush? Would she be jealous? Was God angry with me? Would this affect Kristy’s trust in me? What happened next is very interesting, I think.

You see, I told Kristy about my crush and you know what? She said she forgave me, that everything was fine and she may have even laughed a little bit. And at that very moment, once my deep dark secret was out in the open, the crush was crushed. It was over. I couldn’t figure out what I had seen in that other girl in the first place. Confessing my temptation was all it took for me to realize what a wonderful woman I already had been blessed with in my life.

Psalm 32, “Then I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not hide my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,’ and you forgave the guilt of my sin.’” Of course, it is extremely important not to simply confess all things to the Lord, but to also confess to your spouse or else the temptation stays a secret and the guilt continues. How do you stay faithful in your marriage? Confess your secret sins before they become too much too bear. The faster you bring your secrets out into the open, the less power they will have over your life.

Finally, what are the options after trust has been broken, both emotionally and especially physically? Should infidelity mean immediate divorce or is there, really, any possibility of reconciliation?

In Matthew 19, Jesus answers his disciples’ questions about divorce with a concession that unfaithfulness is indeed grounds for divorce, but his concession does not change his first statement, “It was because you were so hard hearted that Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.” While all of us can understand why unfaithfulness would be reasonable grounds for breaking up a marriage, I want you all to see that it is the ONLY reasonable option. Any marriage would be shaken to its core due to infidelity, but Jesus didn’t mandate that ALL unfaithfulness should end with a divorce.

In fact, the entire book of Hosea portrays God as the kind of God who continues loving and forgiving us even when we are unfaithful. God commands the prophet Hosea to marry a prostitute and even when she leaves him again and again to be unfaithful, God demands that Hosea return to her to bring her back. Would God have the right to cast us all off for our unfaithfulness to Him? For running after other gods and other lifestyles that we find better looking from time to time? Of course he would be justified for doing that! But he is a faithful God who forgives us again and again.

Only through confession and forgiveness can any marriage survive the struggles of this life. We are called to be faithful to one another, just as God is faithful to us. And through all circumstances, we are called to forgive each other just as Christ has forgiven us. Just as the woman in the story with Jesus could show great love because of the great forgiveness shown her, the more possible your forgiveness can be for your spouse when you realize the mercy shown to you through the death of Jesus on the cross.

God is faithful to you no matter what the cost because his relationship with you is not something he can separate himself from. It is my hope and my prayer that God will give you all the strength to be faithful to one another, and to forgive one another in all circumstances, so that your marriages might reflect the love God has shown you. No matter how much your marriage may be struggling right now, trust in God’s power to redeem. Seek help together and confess your secrets to one another. Forgive just as you have been forgiven. God is mighty to save both you and your marriage. He is faithful and He will do it. Amen.