Sermon for June 27th (A Wife's Respect)

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Savior. Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands.” Last week, I talked to you about how God instituted marriage and how important it is that both the husband and the wife fulfill their individual calls in a marriage. An essential part of that equation is a husband’s love, but the other essential part is a wife’s respect, or as Ephesians calls it most often her submission.

I’ll tell you the truth, it’s about all I can do to say that word, “submission” without cringing. Perhaps it is just as difficult for you to hear it. I think that the younger you are, perhaps the harder it is, because it is such a foreign concept in our culture. Why? Because you’ve heard stories. You’ve heard stories about women in the past, but not that very long ago, who were abused by the men in their lives and their husbands. Women who were beaten into submission, you might say. You’ve heard stories about women, perhaps from other countries, who do not have the same rights as their husbands because they are supposed to be quiet and “submissive” in that culture. Some women in this very house have no doubt experienced men who demanded too much of them, demanded their complete obedience—or else!—men who used the Bible as justification for never listening to their wives. I want to be clear right now: that kind of submission is not what God has in mind for a wife.

But how do we know? Because that is not a biblical model of submission or marriage. In Genesis, God looked for a partner for the human being he had created and that partner, that helper, was only found in the woman. If God had simply been looking for a creature to “submit” to the man, the horse may have sufficed. Or the donkey. Or the dog. Fetch me my slippers! Sit! Speak! Stay! That’s not submission, that’s obedience. And, in the Bible, neither the husband nor the wife is told to be “obedient” to one another. They are called to love and respect one another.

In the book “The Power of a Praying Husband,” the author Stormie Omartian explains the word submission in the following way, “Submit is a verb. Submitting is a voluntary action. That means it is something we ourselves do. It’s not something we make someone else do. Just as we can’t force another person to love us, we can’t force someone to submit to us either. Of course we can make that person do what we want. But then that’s not true submission. Submission is a choice we make.”

And there are reasons why some of you women or wives would not want to make that choice isn’t there. For example, if you do not trust your husband to act with your best interests at heart, you will not want to submit to his decisions. But then again, God would never ask you to do that. A wife’s respect for her husband is only one half of the equation. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church. In other words, husbands, you have no right to expect your wife to listen to you, to follow you or to respect you if you do not truly show her love. But wives, if you know that your husband truly loves you and respects you, what is it that keeps you from honoring and affirming your husband in the household? What keeps you from trusting his leadership?

Last week I said that men need someone to love. Men want to have someone to protect, to cherish and to adore. In the same way, women need someone they can be vulnerable with, someone they can respect. You might even go as far as to say that a wife wants her husband to be someone they could feel comfortable choosing to submit to. Once again, just to be clear, I am not saying that women want to be damsel’s in distress. What I am saying is this: in order to find meaning and fulfillment in a marriage, it is essential that a wife can feel vulnerable with her husband and trust her husband not to take advantage of that vulnerability. Submission does not mean being someone else’s doormat, it means trusting someone to not step on you even when you are at your weakest.

There is no doubt in my mind that women are just as able to do what a men can do. How many women, how many of you, work a full time job outside of the home and then come home to be a full time mother and full time housekeeper? How many single moms have raised a family all on their own? Understand that the concept of submission in a marriage has nothing to do with abilities. However, for those of you who are married women here this morning, just because you CAN do anything—do you really WANT to do it all? Don’t you feel at times trapped by all the demands placed on you at work and at home? Don’t you sometimes wish you could share the workload with someone you could trust? Someone who loves you andyou’re your best interests at heart? Don’t you ever wish that you could let someone else make the decisions? Throughout the Bible, God calls husbands to be leaders in their households instead of simply taking a back seat.

Wives, if you’ve ever felt overwhelmed and frazzled by the demands of work and home, you may realize what joy there would be if you could respect your husband enough to hand him the reins not because you couldn’t lead, but because you wanted him to. Imagine what might happen in your marriage if, instead of making all the decisions, you took just one decision that you normally make and said to your husband, “You decide. I trust your judgment. I’ll follow your lead” If you had a husband you knew loved you, giving up that control would not be scary, it would be a relief.

A wife’s respect of her husband does not mean that she must obey every command he gives because, unlike God, men are fallible. Husbands make mistakes and misjudgments. In the book of 1st Peter, wives are encouraged once again to accept the authority of their husbands EVEN THOUGH those men might be unbelievers. Submission doesn’t mean that you can’t disagree. It doesn’t mean that you should follow your husband into sin. In fact, even a submissive wife could seek to change her husband so that they might be won to faith in Jesus Saint Peters ays. so that they might be won over to Jesus.

God wants every wife to have a mind of her own and to stand up and disagree when she feels led to. The book of proverbs says, “A capable wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.” Yes guys, “Submit to one another out of reverence to the Lord.” A loving husband has enough sense to listen to his wife rather than demanding her submission to a foolish plan or decision. Marriage is a partnership.

When we submit ourselves to God, he frees us to be all that we can be. Instead of taking up our time trying to “please” God and climb our way up into heaven, we submit to his forgiveness—we trust him and become vulnerable. We can’t submit to God’s Law until our hearts are changed by God’s love. You will not be able to submit to your husband until God’s love and your husband’s love changes your heart. Wives, submitting to your husband sounds scary, I mean, you know that he’s not perfect; but because you have already submitted to God you also know that you are not perfect either. Trust that God has given your husband gifts and that these gifts can be a blessing for you and for your marriage.

How might you as a woman or wife begin respecting your husband more in your marriage? I believe that there are two ways that you can make this happen. First, by telling him and showing him that you are placing your trust in him. For instance, as I mentioned before, the next time you have a decision to make, give your husband your opinion and then tell him to make the decision—make it clear that you will accept what he decides because you trust him. Wow! Can you already feel your husbands chest filling with pride? A husband needs someone to love, and by respecting him enough to trust his leadership, you are giving him the ability to show you how much he loves you.

How else might a wife submit to her husband? By letting go of some control. Many wives do everything in their households and, while it’s nice to do it the way you want to, there may be gifts that your husband has that you do not. Ask him what he’d like to do and give up that job. Don’t tell him how to do it, trust him to do it. It may be difficult at first, but imagine how much time might be freed up and how worthwhile your husband might feel.

Finally, there is a part in all of this that a husband can play. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church. Pray for her. Pray for her submission. Pray that you might deserve her respect. Pray that she might trust in God and that, by trusting in God, she might trust you more. When she asks you to make a decision, trust in the strength God gives you and lead with her well-being in mind. Only by submitting to God can we all submit to one another.

I pray that all of your marriages might be blessed with mutual love and mutual submission. As we end this month’s focus on marriage, I would like to encourage all of you to continue working diligently to strengthen your relationships with one another. I am here to pray with you, to counsel you and to cheer you on and you have many saints in these pews who have great advice and a lot of experience. Your marriage is worth the time and the effort to keep it strong. Christ died for you so that all of you might know what love is and rejoice in a love that gives you freedom to submit, the courage to trust and the hope that through it all God is your fortress and strength. Amen.