Sermon for July 18th (Conflict and Forgiveness)

Last week, I presented you all with a vision of what the ministries here at Emmanuel might look like one day. I continue to pray that the Holy Spirit inspires us as we are coming in to be sent out together in mission for Christ. But before we can go and do all the fun stuff, before we go out and do all the hard work, before hearts are changed, before lives are changed and before the world can ever be changed we must ensure that we have a firm foundation upon which to build.

We need to build our ministry upon a firm foundation so that, when God calls upon us as a faith community, to plants churches or to go out on missions or to serve at food kitchens, we can put our time and energy into that work. We don’t want our community falling apart like a sandcastle if issues come up that attempt to bury us under conflict and unforgiveness. When I was working as a chaplain one summer in Minneapolis, the group I was studying with heard this imperative over and over again, “Deal with your issues now so that the people you serve don’t have to deal with them later.” One of the best ways we can serve others as a faith community is by putting into place a good system for dealing with our own conflicts.

And yes, we will have conflicts. Conflict is a part of our life together. If we can accept that fact and handle it appropriately, our community will grow stronger. And Jesus has given us a specific way to deal with conflict in our church so let’s take a look at what he has to say and apply it to our situation here at Emmanuel. Jesus starts off: “If another church member sins against you, go and point out the fault, just between the two of you.” Let’s just stop right there. I call upon you all today to heed the words of the apostle Paul as well, “Do NOT be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds.” I know that this is NOT the way of the world BUT, “If another church member sins against you, go and point out the fault, JUST BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU.”

That means that you DON’T talk to other people about what happened, you talk to the person who hurt you about what happened. The book of James says, “How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire! And the tongue is a fire . . . full of deadly poison.” When someone says or does something hurtful towards you and you talk negatively to someone else now about what that person did. . . well, you are committing the same sin, don’t you see? And not only that, but the wound that was opened in your heart is now burning from the heat of your anger and stinging from the result of your bitterness. Hatred, anger and gossip will not heal your wounds—in fact they make it worse. Bitterness is the poison that we drink ourselves with the hope of killing someone else. Healing occurs when there is both repentance and forgiveness. “If the member listens to you, you have regained that one.”

“But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses.” The key word here again is WITH. Take them WITH you. Don’t rant and rave about the injury or attempt to bias them to your side. If your cause is just, the truth will be clear. Calling your best friends to “back you up” is for gang fights, not for a conflict that you wish to settle peacefully.

If you are called to join the conversation, it is not your job to side with one person or the other. Your job is to help them talk and reconcile their differences. If you cannot think of someone to go along with you, I would like to encourage you to call upon me, as your pastor, to help you deal with this conflict. However, when you come to me alone, while I can do my best to counsel you, without the other party there the conflict will not be solved. Bring them WITH you. Putting me or anyone else in the middle of a conflict is neither helpful nor is it very nice.

“If the member continues to refuse to listen, tell the church.” What is the church? Does that mean the town of Fontanelle? Does that mean facebook? Does it mean to tell all your friends during fellowship time or during a ministry team meeting? No. We have called people from our congregation to serve as our representatives and leaders and put them on the council to help us deal with conflict in a healthy way. So, if someone has hurt you and even after speaking privately with them, and then with another person, there is no repentance—if the two of you have met together with others or with me and nothing has changed (perhaps the behavior has even become worse) come together to the council and together we will do our best work to settle the conflict as a community.

If there is still no repentance and no attempt at resolution of the issues—if the one who has hurt you refuses to listen to you and continues the hurtful behavior with no remorse, according to Jesus, as a community we are called to treat this hard-hearted person like a pagan or a tax collector. What does THAT mean?

I’d like to make two statements about this phrase. Both are important. First, pagans and tax collectors were the people Jesus hung out with to the horror of the rest of the Jewish leaders. “I have come not for the healthy but for the sick, not for the righteous but for the unrighteous,” Jesus said. We are under obligation as followers of Jesus to seek out pagans and tax collectors, pray for them and bring them back to Jesus.

However, pagans and tax collectors were also considered to be outside of the faith community, according to Jewish people, until they were restored. In other words, as a church, we should never kick someone out, faith in Jesus is the gate to this community. We cannot judge others as being more sinful that we are ourselves. However, repentance is a necessary part of the Christian life and so, we also must realize that until true repentance has occurred, a person should be disciplined in some way. For example, they may be disallowed from voting and kept from being on ministry teams or in leadership positions until the conflict has been resolved. The most common instance of this is when a pastor sins publically and is stripped of his position. Some pastors who go through this serve other churches, eventually, but not without public repentance taking place.

But have you noticed that Jesus’ system of conflict resolution, even if it works perfectly, is still missing something. Notice that Jesus keeps referring to a person “listening to you”. The most a person can do, when they have hurt you, is to repent. They can sincerely say that they are sorry, do what they can to make amends and attempt to stop the bad behavior. However, is that enough? Notice where Jesus goes next in this discussion. “Peter came and said to Jesus, ‘Lord if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘Not seven times, but I tell you, seventy-seven times.’” As a congregation, we must not only have a system in place to deal with conflict, but we must have forgiving hearts or else we can never be free to serve anyone else.

I believe that there are some of you listening today who have not truly repented for your actions against others, even when you have sinned against other members of this church. If you truly believe that Jesus Christ died to take away your sins, what are you waiting for? Nobody’s perfect, this is true, but admitting your sins and turning from them is a part of being a Christian. In the gospel of John, Jesus saved a woman, caught in adultery, from being stoned for her sins. But while he did not condemn her, he also did not tolerate her behavior, “Go and sin no more,” He said. Each of you have been given a piece of rope with a knot in it this morning. If there is someone in your life you have hurt, you’ll understand that that knot is no mere symbol—it is the knot in your stomach and in your heart—a knot of guilt. Your relationship with that person, with this community and with God is not as it should be. Repent and believe in the good news. Jesus died for sinners just like you. Trust in his forgiveness. Trust in his mercy. Risk repentance.

I also believe that there are some of you listening today who, even when presented with the opportunity to forgive, have refused to do so, even when those who have hurt you have asked for that forgiveness. Just like the slave in the Bible story today, you have received and accepted the unconditional forgiveness of all of YOUR sins and, yet, somehow, you cannot also forgive? Do you truly believe that you have been hurt more than the Son of God crucified on the cross? Will you continue to hold resentment for those who have hurt you while God gives YOU pardon? Should you not have mercy on those who ask forgiveness just as God has mercy on you when you come to him with remorse? In the story, the slave is handed over to be tortured . . . Jesus said, “So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” Perhaps that is why you have the knotted rope today. To remember to forgive because your heavenly Father has forgiven you.

It’s hard. I know that. All of this is hard. It is hard to confront someone when they have already hurt you. It is hard to say, “I’m sorry.” It is especially hard to forgive. We all struggle with these things. But I still see a day, when we are coming in to repent and being sent out to forgive. I want you to take a moment as we end today to think about your relationships with others in this very church. Who has hurt you? When will you go to them and let them know? Who have you hurt? How will you say you are sorry? Who has asked for your forgiveness? When will you forgive them? Perhaps you came in today to hear this promise, “By the authority of Jesus Christ, I declare to you the entire forgiveness of all your sins.” Perhaps you will be sent out today with the same promise on your lips. Amen.