Sermon for June 27th (A Wife's Respect)

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Savior. Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands.” Last week, I talked to you about how God instituted marriage and how important it is that both the husband and the wife fulfill their individual calls in a marriage. An essential part of that equation is a husband’s love, but the other essential part is a wife’s respect, or as Ephesians calls it most often her submission.

I’ll tell you the truth, it’s about all I can do to say that word, “submission” without cringing. Perhaps it is just as difficult for you to hear it. I think that the younger you are, perhaps the harder it is, because it is such a foreign concept in our culture. Why? Because you’ve heard stories. You’ve heard stories about women in the past, but not that very long ago, who were abused by the men in their lives and their husbands. Women who were beaten into submission, you might say. You’ve heard stories about women, perhaps from other countries, who do not have the same rights as their husbands because they are supposed to be quiet and “submissive” in that culture. Some women in this very house have no doubt experienced men who demanded too much of them, demanded their complete obedience—or else!—men who used the Bible as justification for never listening to their wives. I want to be clear right now: that kind of submission is not what God has in mind for a wife.

But how do we know? Because that is not a biblical model of submission or marriage. In Genesis, God looked for a partner for the human being he had created and that partner, that helper, was only found in the woman. If God had simply been looking for a creature to “submit” to the man, the horse may have sufficed. Or the donkey. Or the dog. Fetch me my slippers! Sit! Speak! Stay! That’s not submission, that’s obedience. And, in the Bible, neither the husband nor the wife is told to be “obedient” to one another. They are called to love and respect one another.

In the book “The Power of a Praying Husband,” the author Stormie Omartian explains the word submission in the following way, “Submit is a verb. Submitting is a voluntary action. That means it is something we ourselves do. It’s not something we make someone else do. Just as we can’t force another person to love us, we can’t force someone to submit to us either. Of course we can make that person do what we want. But then that’s not true submission. Submission is a choice we make.”

And there are reasons why some of you women or wives would not want to make that choice isn’t there. For example, if you do not trust your husband to act with your best interests at heart, you will not want to submit to his decisions. But then again, God would never ask you to do that. A wife’s respect for her husband is only one half of the equation. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church. In other words, husbands, you have no right to expect your wife to listen to you, to follow you or to respect you if you do not truly show her love. But wives, if you know that your husband truly loves you and respects you, what is it that keeps you from honoring and affirming your husband in the household? What keeps you from trusting his leadership?

Last week I said that men need someone to love. Men want to have someone to protect, to cherish and to adore. In the same way, women need someone they can be vulnerable with, someone they can respect. You might even go as far as to say that a wife wants her husband to be someone they could feel comfortable choosing to submit to. Once again, just to be clear, I am not saying that women want to be damsel’s in distress. What I am saying is this: in order to find meaning and fulfillment in a marriage, it is essential that a wife can feel vulnerable with her husband and trust her husband not to take advantage of that vulnerability. Submission does not mean being someone else’s doormat, it means trusting someone to not step on you even when you are at your weakest.

There is no doubt in my mind that women are just as able to do what a men can do. How many women, how many of you, work a full time job outside of the home and then come home to be a full time mother and full time housekeeper? How many single moms have raised a family all on their own? Understand that the concept of submission in a marriage has nothing to do with abilities. However, for those of you who are married women here this morning, just because you CAN do anything—do you really WANT to do it all? Don’t you feel at times trapped by all the demands placed on you at work and at home? Don’t you sometimes wish you could share the workload with someone you could trust? Someone who loves you andyou’re your best interests at heart? Don’t you ever wish that you could let someone else make the decisions? Throughout the Bible, God calls husbands to be leaders in their households instead of simply taking a back seat.

Wives, if you’ve ever felt overwhelmed and frazzled by the demands of work and home, you may realize what joy there would be if you could respect your husband enough to hand him the reins not because you couldn’t lead, but because you wanted him to. Imagine what might happen in your marriage if, instead of making all the decisions, you took just one decision that you normally make and said to your husband, “You decide. I trust your judgment. I’ll follow your lead” If you had a husband you knew loved you, giving up that control would not be scary, it would be a relief.

A wife’s respect of her husband does not mean that she must obey every command he gives because, unlike God, men are fallible. Husbands make mistakes and misjudgments. In the book of 1st Peter, wives are encouraged once again to accept the authority of their husbands EVEN THOUGH those men might be unbelievers. Submission doesn’t mean that you can’t disagree. It doesn’t mean that you should follow your husband into sin. In fact, even a submissive wife could seek to change her husband so that they might be won to faith in Jesus Saint Peters ays. so that they might be won over to Jesus.

God wants every wife to have a mind of her own and to stand up and disagree when she feels led to. The book of proverbs says, “A capable wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.” Yes guys, “Submit to one another out of reverence to the Lord.” A loving husband has enough sense to listen to his wife rather than demanding her submission to a foolish plan or decision. Marriage is a partnership.

When we submit ourselves to God, he frees us to be all that we can be. Instead of taking up our time trying to “please” God and climb our way up into heaven, we submit to his forgiveness—we trust him and become vulnerable. We can’t submit to God’s Law until our hearts are changed by God’s love. You will not be able to submit to your husband until God’s love and your husband’s love changes your heart. Wives, submitting to your husband sounds scary, I mean, you know that he’s not perfect; but because you have already submitted to God you also know that you are not perfect either. Trust that God has given your husband gifts and that these gifts can be a blessing for you and for your marriage.

How might you as a woman or wife begin respecting your husband more in your marriage? I believe that there are two ways that you can make this happen. First, by telling him and showing him that you are placing your trust in him. For instance, as I mentioned before, the next time you have a decision to make, give your husband your opinion and then tell him to make the decision—make it clear that you will accept what he decides because you trust him. Wow! Can you already feel your husbands chest filling with pride? A husband needs someone to love, and by respecting him enough to trust his leadership, you are giving him the ability to show you how much he loves you.

How else might a wife submit to her husband? By letting go of some control. Many wives do everything in their households and, while it’s nice to do it the way you want to, there may be gifts that your husband has that you do not. Ask him what he’d like to do and give up that job. Don’t tell him how to do it, trust him to do it. It may be difficult at first, but imagine how much time might be freed up and how worthwhile your husband might feel.

Finally, there is a part in all of this that a husband can play. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church. Pray for her. Pray for her submission. Pray that you might deserve her respect. Pray that she might trust in God and that, by trusting in God, she might trust you more. When she asks you to make a decision, trust in the strength God gives you and lead with her well-being in mind. Only by submitting to God can we all submit to one another.

I pray that all of your marriages might be blessed with mutual love and mutual submission. As we end this month’s focus on marriage, I would like to encourage all of you to continue working diligently to strengthen your relationships with one another. I am here to pray with you, to counsel you and to cheer you on and you have many saints in these pews who have great advice and a lot of experience. Your marriage is worth the time and the effort to keep it strong. Christ died for you so that all of you might know what love is and rejoice in a love that gives you freedom to submit, the courage to trust and the hope that through it all God is your fortress and strength. Amen.

Sermon for October 4th

"The great theologian Karl Barth said that a good preacher would preach with a Bible in one hand and a newspaper in the other (or, perhaps today, with CNN.com up on their computer). That means that while I’d love to talk about lots of other interesting issues in today's readings, I would be doing you all a disservice by pretending I don’t know what’s being said across the radio waves and on TV, in the newspapers and around town about marriage, about sex and about the Bible. Throughout the history of Judaism, as well as the Christian faith, any sex outside of marriage between a man and a woman has been considered to be against God’s will, but things are changing. As of a month and a half ago, the ELCA has decided that pastors in monogamous, lifelong, same-gender relationships can be ordained and that homosexual relationships may be blessed in God’s name. And so, with fear and trembling, even though we’d ALL rather not talk about this, after reading the scripture passages today, I see no way I cannot talk about this.

I am NOT going to use code words today. I do not want to be ambiguous. Today’s sermon will be about what scripture has to say about marriage and how that affects our understandings about same-gender sexual relationships as well as remarriage for heterosexuals. Why am I focusing on these issues? Why am I focusing on this instead of something else more important? Because that’s all anyone else inside or outside of the church seems interested in right now. To say nothing just encourages the FALSE claim that the Bible never says anything about these issues or that God doesn’t care. Now, I COULD just preach on the psalm today and dodge a bullet, and keep everyone happy, but God seems to have something to say, according to today’s texts, and so I must stand up and say it.

Many Christians, including some of our best pastors, bishops and theologians, have argued that the Bible doesn’t say anything about such things as loving, committed, monogamous same-gender relationships. I would like you to listen to Genesis 2 again, “The Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then he took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called Woman, for out of Man this one was taken.” Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

It was not good that the man was alone, he needed a partner. God found him one. When the woman was made, the man found his complement, his helper, the one that would make him complete. And while this isn’t just about “plumbing” as so many are so often saying, it is important to realize that “plumbing” is still a part of it—God commands them to be fruitful and multiply after all, they are blessed to become one flesh. Only in the male-female sexual relationship can this “one flesh” be realized—we call it a baby.

When Jesus was asked by the Pharisees about changing the standards of marriage and divorce, did he relax sexual standards to fit with the changing times? No. He said, “From the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female”. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” I’m not sure how much more clearly Jesus could have expressed God’s intentions for our sexual relationships as human beings.

About a month ago, my son got into trouble for throwing a ball in the house. His mother and I explained that balls were made to play with outside and not inside. "Don’t throw balls inside the house", we said. So, he bounced the ball, kicked the ball, batted the ball, rolled the ball, tossed the ball, dropped the ball, and caromed the ball off of his sister’s head . . . and he got in trouble every single time. I mean, we never actually said that he COULDN’T do any of those things, but by saying that balls were for outside we were very clear, weren’t we? For centuries, no one has ever doubted God’s intention for his creatures on this matter. It always seemed obvious. Now our big argument is that God never said that we couldn’t.

But in six passages spanning the Old and New Testaments, God did say no to homosexual behavior. Only six passages, you might ask? That’s not very many. Indeed, and there are only four passage against sexual relationships with animals. In fact, it appears that the more taboo the activity, the less it needed to be talked about. And how many times is homosexual behavior, loving or otherwise, lifted up in a positive way biblically? Never. God said, “I’ve created the man for the woman and the woman for the man. And whenever sexual activity outside of that relationship occurs, it is NOT blessed by God. Whether it is before marriage, or an extra-martial affair, whether it is with an animal or with a member of one’s own family.

Some of you believe that gay marriage should be legal in America, that it is a civil rights issue. Fine. According to the constitution of the United States, you have an argument. I do not have anything to say about your political views. But as Christians, the constitution is NOT the final authority for our behavior. The Bible is our authority. While we, as Americans, protect the right of people to believe and worship whatever God they choose, as Christians, we hear Jesus say, “I am the way, the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me.” We do not have freedom of religion in the church, only freedom in Christ. We do not get to change our interpretation of the Bible according to how society has changed, the Bible interprets our lives and our society in order to change US. As Christians, we often have the right to do many things, but we are called by God to follow his commands.

Pre-martial sex, divorce and remarriage, the adulterous thoughts that fill our heads, all of these things are acceptable in our society, but they deviate from what God commands. Jesus says, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” Are we hypocrites for allowing remarried pastors to be ordained while refusing to ordain pastors in lifelong, committed, monogamous same-gender relationships? Are we hypocrites for blessing the second marriages of people while refusing to bless same-gender relationships?

What is the difference between remarriage and gay marriage? In Genesis 2, we hear how God made marriage in the beginning and it is a picture of perfection. But one chapter later, we find that all of our relationships have now been cursed, including our marriages. Wives seem to inherently realize that their marriages are cursed better than husbands do, but it is true for both. We need to correct the thinking that being in a marriage is somehow more “holy” than being single, it doesn’t make you look better in God’s eyes. Marriage is not salvific. It is part of God’s civil law meant to protect you and your neighbors, for the sake of children, the family and society.

Some divorces, as most of you know, seem more like a blessing than a curse, but God hates divorce, scripture says, and wishes that none of his children would ever have to go through the causes of divorce or the effects of it. God is not a fan of remarriage either, but not in the way you might think at first. Remarriage is not a sin because it is somehow less “pure” in God’s eyes than a first marriage, but because you are now sharing the effects of a divorce with your new spouse. We often call this “baggage” nowadays. Joint custody, trust issues, bitterness, step-fathers and step-mothers . . . if you truly loved a person, you might consider remaining unmarried to save them from all those effects of sin. Remarriage piles up sin upon sin.

But does God place his blessing on a remarriage even in the midst of all these curses and sins? Yes. Just like in a first marriage, while God has cursed our relationships he has also provided for our comfort. Just as the Lord provided a helper for the man at creation, a divorced person may find a protector for their family or a partner to raise children from a previous marriage. In addition, God can continue to bless a remarriage with children where the two can become one flesh. This is God’s “Yes” even in the midst of all his “No’s”. There will be times it is better to stay unmarried. There may be times it is better to be remarried. Neither choice is without sin.

What then is the difference between remarriage and gay marriage? The blessing of God. It may not be fashionable to talk about marriage being closely related to procreation, but the truth is that God has given a blessing to men and women to “become one flesh” that he has not given to people in same-gendered relationships. Are there men and women in marriages that cannot have children? Yes, but if the number of fertility doctors and adoptions and surrogate mothers are any indication, many married couples see this barrenness as a curse, and not a blessing. Despite sin’s effects on our world, on our bodies, and on our relationships, God continues fighting these effects with his blessing to become one flesh, to be fruitful and multiply. But to declare God’s blessing upon a couple in a homosexual relationship is like acting out a play in front of an empty theater . . . you're not fooling anybody. Procreation is not the only blessing of marriage, but it is still a very important part of it.

God created men and women as sexual partners in creation and Jesus, as we would expect, continues to highlight this fact. Once sin entered into the world, God had to start saying "no." a lot. Any relationship outside of marriage between a husband and a wife is a deviation from God’s plan for your life. We are all accused, whether in thought, word or deed. We are all called to repentance before God. But “No!” is not God’s last word. While you may be struggling and suffering with the effects of remarriage, pre-marital sex, adultery, divorce, pornography, or homosexual behavior in your life, I pray that you might finally see the joy of God’s “Yes”. Jesus Christ loves and forgives sinners like you. His church, this church, welcomes, loves and forgives all sinners, like you. So that you and I might turn away from our sins, knowing that they have been nailed to the cross of Jesus where they have died up there with him. Now God’s unconditional forgiveness is yours. Amen.